Cell Tele-Robert Invasion!!
Have any of you had this happen yet? I remember when the cell phone was the last bastion of security from the host of “Great Deals” and “Free Vacations” phone calls. But last night that all changed.
It took them five years to find me (killed my land line in 2001) but the slippery little bastards found out my super secret. Ass!
It went like this:
Me: Hello?
Ass: Well, HELLO there Mr. Upton! My name is Robert Winnikki!
Me: ……………..Huh?
Ass: You have been chosen over THOUSANDS of eligible names to participate in our study of a new high-rise condominium complex going up on the STRIP in LAS VAGAS!!!!!!
Now I’m not only confused, but annoyed by my new buddy Robert. I was so out of the “Tele-sales” loop for so long, that I no longer had the necessary tools to deal with the situation. AND –this was my fucking cell phone! So, I fumbled through the possible explanation for this invasion.
Me: Who is this….really?
Ass: Why, it’s Robert Winnikki! (be sure to envision the announcer-type linguistic)
Me: Is that you Cory? You asshole!
Ass: Umm…..excuse me sir?
Now it hit me –like a squeaker fart you never saw coming. This was a real life telemarketer. It was like the fall of the
Me: Dude! This is my cell phone! How did you get this number?
Ass: As I said Mr. Upton, you are ELIGIBLE for a free trip to
Me: I’m not even eligible for a library card Robert.
This went on for a while, and my patience grew thin. It was clear that Robert was not going to give in on the whole “Not fucking interested” deal, so I was forced to hang up on him. AND, because of the fact that this was my cell, I was not even allowed the joy of slamming the phone down on the receiver. All I could do was mash the end button with great conviction. It was anti climatic. So, I threw the fucker against the wall.
It was now infected, and I wanted it out of my sight…..so it could think about what it had done to me.
Watch out boys and girls…..Robert is now cellular!!!!
FU
posted by Frank Upton at 8:27 AM
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