Crap the bed MONDAY

It seems to me that no other day of the week has the ability to sum up the quality of your life like the all powerful MONDAY. I don’t know if it’s a message from god that chastises you for being too damn lazy over the weekend, or maybe its Sunday’s bitterness for calling Monday the first day of the week for so long…..thus the curse.

Any way you look at it, Monday sucks sweaty bull balls!

I started this particular one with a toothbrush loaded with Cortaid. I could say that I was attempting to rejuvenate my receding gums, but no. It was supposed to be fucking toothpaste!

Soon afterwards I tripped over the dog….landing softly against the bed mattress. This would have been a hoot –had it not shifted violently askew –knocking over my TV tray/Bedside vanity. Yup…...lamp, alarm clock, a few used tissues…..boom.

I broke a lace. Why are dress shoe laces so thin anyway?

I discovered a pimple right inside my left nostril. It’s unreachable and annoying.

I got in the car and realized I was out of gas. Not totally, but just enough to make my ass clinch up on the way to the gas station. Gas went up again.

Upon making it to work, I pushed on the gas –rather than the break -at my underground parking gate. I backed up quickly, but I think the swing arm is a little bent. Car 5 /Gate 0.

I need a swipe card to get into my office, but it doesn’t work as well as it used to. I started counting how many times I have to swipe to open the door. If you were standing behind me, you would think that my OCD needed immediate attention.

It is now 8:00 am.

I’m fine………………..really.

Next, I discovered that I am in too much debt to have it consolidated. Let’s review that.

No money = Broke. Broke = Can’t make payments. Can’t make payments = Consolidation. Consolidation = Must prove you can make payments???

Proof that you can make payments = DON”T NEED THE FUCKING CONSOLIDATION!!

But that’s just me.

On that note….I’m getting a divorce. Well, at some point. See….I need to sell a very expensive house before I can make this whole thing work (without it biting my wang more than it already is.) But I need to get my expenses in line first.

Maybe I should consolidate.

I ended up with my fathers lunch today (yes I am staying with my parents temporarily/permanently.) I hate egg salad. WTF is all that in there?!

Today I had one of my biggest clients (once again) pull a disappearing act on me…taking their $35,000 buy with them. This has happened enough now, that I think they’re all on a Caribbean cruise together….laughing.

It’s now 2:00 pm.

There’s a smudge on my window. It is annoying, AND outside. I have never seen a window cleaner here, so it looks like I will be repelling off the roof soon. That smudge taunts me.

I only notice I’m getting fatter on Monday. Everything seems tighter than it did on Friday.

I would continue….but it is now 2:30 pm. This is where I go give myself a swirly!

Luv’ Monday……FU