My Life is like My Ride

Too many miles on it….it’s tired now. It makes funny noises when I start it –something about the “catalytic converter” or some shit. The sound reminds me of a busted lawn mower. I have a tire that keeps going flat…..but I just keep putting air in it. I could have bought a new tire with quarters by now. The wipers won’t start when it’s raining –but wont stop when I try to wash the glass on a dusty day. It leans to the right….don’t know why. It idles high, so it always sounds like I’m trying to escape at a red light. It sputters, coughs, backfires, and exhaust leaks into the air vents. The spare tire hangs a little low under the back, so it bumps around. Seems there is NO WAY to tighten it. I can only start it and stop it 3 times in a day. Any more than that, and it gives my the “finger” by not starting at all. One headlight points too high -and the other too low. At night I look very confused. If I turn too hard to the right, I hear a crunching sound under my feet. That is a little disturbing. I have four large dents around the truck –looking like I ran around it with a bat. The back license plate became bent, so I pulled on it to fix the problem. I now have a cracked back bumper. The engine light has been on for 6 months solid! NOW- it blinks off and on like I’m some kind of inconsiderate father. “I’M BROKE ASSHOLE! CAN’T YOU SEE THAT??!!” It has failed inspection twice now, thus the sticker still reads “3 / 06”. Lastly, the digital dash goes in and out. Sometimes I feel like a Kennedy driving blind.

There it is…….My life = my Blazer. SUCKS!
F U