KILLER TOYS!

What is up with people these days and toys? It seems that a toy can’t be built, fabricated, or assembled without some duche saying that it will KILL the child that comes near it! I remember when I was a kid –if the damn thing didn’t reach out and bite your face while telling you your mother was a whore…..it was just fine.
I just read a report about the “10 Deadliest toys” out this holiday season. All I have to say is PUSSIES!!!! Are you fucking kidding me about this? Is a doll with a detachable plastic sword REALLY the possible end to your child’s life?! OH…how about the ZIP-ITY DO DOLLY! The fucker has a button! …..that’s right people…..a BUTTON that “may” fall off.
….REALLY?! Are you really going to worry about the little button going into your damn snot-nose kid’s mouth -while the fucker devowers a bowl full of skittles??!!! Let’s face it America…..we have become a land of litigious fear-filled shit bags!
EXAMPLE: just a little list of the shit I played with in my “innocent” years…..

LAWN DARTS –remember these things? Essentially a tent steak with wings, but lots of fun! I still feel bad about piercing Todd Jenkins’ foot though…..I hear he still complains about it when he gets drunk.
WATER ROCKET –yup, a little plastic missile filled with about 50 PSI of water - hand pumped by a spastic ten year old! OK, so I once sent one through my parent’s kitchen window. BAD AIM….but not necessarily dangerous.
VOLCANO ISLAND –give a group of kids the chance to blow shit up…they will. THIS would never fly today. Think chemistry set with paper mache. FUN!
BOBA FETT (14 inch poseable action figure with launching backpack rocket) –That shit shot off his back faster than a speeding bullet!!! AWSOME!.....until I got hit in the nuts by a freak shot. To tell you the truth, that’s when I really discovered my nuts.
HUNGRY HIPPO –sounds very innocent, but trust me…….DANGER! Major finger cramps.

So….to put it simply –GET OVER IT PEOPLE!!!! Toys SHOULD be dangerous. If not, they really suck!
F U