But.....It's Friday?!

I woke up a little early this morning, so it took extra long for me to really get into the groove of the day. You know that game- walking in a daze, still more asleep than awake.
This is the tiny span of time is where all the weird shit tends to happen. THE FOLLOWING is an account of those events.

I always get out of bed on the left. Today- spun out right………..there’s a wall there. THUMP!
In the shower I only had an “itty-bitty” sliver of soap left. Sort of like a fresh scent toothpick (hate that). Stepped out to get another…….and slipped. THUMP!
I turned on the t.v.- only to find it on the OXYGEN channel. Who the fuck did that? Could…….I have been watching……wha?
While dressing, the news was just background noise to keep me moving. I heard “Frank”- and promptly responded with “What?” OH- retard, it was a news story. I pulled up my pants and heard it again…………..I said “What?!” ……again.
There’s a coffee maker and a tea maker RIGHT NEXT to each other in my kitchen (don’t ask). I made a “maker” wrong turn, and downed a big swallow of fucking TEA! I’ll have the shits by noon.
Headed out back for my morning smoke. I opened the back door, but the screen was still closed………you figure out the rest. (fucking idiot)
I head out the front door for work. No keys. Go back inside. Head back out. Forgot my phone. Go back inside. Head out AGAIN…..keys now back on the table….inside.
I get in the car, and realize I have one black and one brown shoe on. Funny……but now I have to go BACK inside.
Front door’s locked. Keys in ignition.

This is the kind of thing that makes you terrified of what the rest of the day has in store for you. It’s only a matter of time before I get a ticket for speeding, slam my hand in the car door, and NOT QUITE make it to the office bathroom before my ass explodes form the fucking tea!!!!

TGIF mother fucker!!!!!
F U