After 100's of these.....

A dedicated Upton reader recently sent this email:

“Dear Frank,
I love your posts, and always send them on to others because of the good laugh I get out of them. But there is, sorry to say, a small problem. I am an editor for a small paper outside of Chicago, and with that, have become more and more troubled over your writings. I find them full of run-on sentences, grammatically unsound thoughts, as well as themes that end abruptly; seemingly to lead nowhere.
Don’t perceive me as a prude, though, I feel with better training and education you could become a fantastic comedy writer. I would be happy to send you some suggestions for online classes and books that could help you in this respect.
Big fan! Keep it up!
-Kelly R.”

Well FUCK Kelly! Sorry to trouble you with my IGNORANT abilities to convey my little MESSAGE on this site! I do appreciate the accolades, but to put it bluntly –BEEN THERE with the proper hub-bub bullshit of CORRECT writing techniques. Not for me in this “respect.”
I write how I talk! That’s half the fucking humor. If it confuses you, just s-o-u-n-d it out. I tend to read my post aloud in the bathtub –while touching myself. This is only a suggestion, but if you aren’t too “prude”- maybe give it a try.
If you STILL have a problem with my grammar, at least you got off!
Thanks for the mail folks! “Keep it up!”
Big fan!
- F U
p.s.- Please don't hate me Kelly. You are ONLY the ump-teenth person to bring this up....and I can only take it for SO LONG before I......well......play with myself in the bathtub.