Party Anyone?

Ok…..I have a problem. Not ground breaking or anything, but just enough to make my butt clench up! It seems there is this…….costume party coming up. As you know, adults have more fun with this than kids EVER did, simply because you mix in a little alcohol and innuendo (nice). This aint no door to door shit!
BUT- the problem is that I will be walking into a room of people I don’t know….dressed like what?....a PENIS?! Hummmmm…no. I REALLY want to go for a number of reasons….but I gotta weigh this out. Let’s see…how could I…..figure….(wait for it)…
THAT’S RIGHT!!! A LIST!!!!

POSSIBLE COSTUMES FOR MR. UPTON:
1. How about one of those big diapers, and an oversized rattle! I could get some chick to burp me! – no, not so much.
2. Go as a homeless man! Most of my cloths fit the bill already! – nah…could be stopped at the door.
3. OH! Go as FLEA from the CHILI PEPPERS with nuttin but a gym sock on my johnson! – ummm..too cold.
4. Secret agent? – sucks. A retired one maybe…..or fired.
5. Could always go the Dracula route. – more than likely, though, some OTHER Dracula will show up, and THEN it becomes a battle of wits. “Nice cape man.” “Nice fangs, asshole.”
6. What about the whole “RODEO TEXAN” idea? – ahh, most people would think I’m just coming from work….that’s out. (all you Yankees out there…that was for you)
7. How about just building a shower curtain around myself, spout and all, so that I can hide inside it! – yeah…I know…too Karate Kid. DAMN you Ralph Macchio!!
8. Cartoon characters are always a winner. But -then you’re forced to try and figure witch one best fits your personality. -- I’m NOT going as “Deputy Dawg”!!! Fuck you –forget it!!
9. Oh! Oh! I could……………no, forget it --don’t know where to get eighty pounds of jell-o.
10. Maybe I’ll just throw on scrubs, and be one of the 50 people there representing the medical services. Kinda throwing in the towel on that one, but time is short….and Deputy Dawg is a LAST resort.
All in all, this could get very interesting. I’m sure I’ll have a doosy of a story after! I’ll be sure to share.
F U