Just play cards IDIOT!

I’m writing this now, simply because I may not remember all of it tomorrow!
I had friends over tonight, and we began to do what all fifth appendages do in a large group….played cards! (unless you are in prison…and I feel for ya.)
Of course, the conversation of sex came up (6 cocks in 1 room does that)- wait……wha?
ANYWAY, we got into the conversation of the ….ummmm….female ORGASIM. It was interesting to know that half the room had no desire to exert themselves beyond their own NUT.
I don’t even think they knew women could HAVE an orgasm “beyond theory.”
Truly disturbing, but whatever.
When it came down to the “nuts” of the matter, we all decided to come up with a list of things that may, or may not, make a woman….ummmmm….in the mood to get to “said” orgasm.
HERE IT IS: (and we will do id bakkerds- Letterman style--)
10. Tell her she smells fantastic, thus getting in close enough to nip at her. – Chris, you will NEVER get laid with that.
9. Make a direct comment to her clothing. *ummm, like what? “Your tits look like they need a breather?”- Peter, you suck too.
8. You look like you need a good fuck. – no explanation needed, contributor
omitted.
7. Did you know that most men only want to be held? – again Peter, SUCK!
6. Can I buy you a drink? Or one for your beaver? –wha?
5. How many licks does it take to get to the cent***- ENOUGH- we are not using that one….for the third time!
4. Is this clam taken? – yeah….childish.
3. Walk up to her at the bar, and while holding a folded TWENTY ( I currently only have a 5 in my pocket) ask for the most expensive shot- then offer her one. (if she don’t puke, at least you may get some). –again….so wrong, but funny Robert.
2. Yup- that outline is a rubber in my pocket….and I don’t mean glove! -NOT one of mine- but I bet you thought it was.
1. If I had one of you at home, would never leave the house…..or dress.
What does this all mean? We don’t really know shit, and should just stick to the cards!
If this really SUCKS, don’t blame me. Blame the booze! I JUST WANTED TO SHARE!

FU