TAG! -your it! (not)

Ok…so my brother, being the cunning little “jokester” that he is, gave me a can of TAG for Christmas. For those of you who have no clue what this is –it’s an aerosol spray that, when applied vigorously to the body, should result in a slew of women clobbering all over each other to get to your manhood. Yeah…..sure.
BUT, me being a man of curiosity…I thought I would give it a little test.
This weekend I went out with some friends, and before hand (while hiding in my bathroom like a criminal) I peppered myself with TAG. The idea was to secretly see if this product truly effected women at the bar. I would do nothing more than stand next to them……..and wait.
AND………..here we go!
WOMAN #1 – I leaned against the bar and ordered a brew-haha. She was RIGHT NEXT to me- apparently enthralled by whatever bullshit was on Sports Center. So, I attempted to WAHFT my manly scent her direction. This motion made the bartender think I was trying to get HIS attention, and it became a whole situation about my beer being “just fine thanks” and so on. STILL no results from the blond……not even a fucking glance. STRIKE ONE!
WOMAN #2 – This chick was sitting alone at one of the cocktail tables, so I strategically placed myself at the next one. This created a back-to-back situation, with only about three inches of separation. I proceeded to fake a phone conversation, while secretly waving my arm behind me –again with the WHAFT. Moments later, I could just FEEL that someone was looking at me. Was it her? Did she turn towards my manly stank? I swiveled slowly, while still pretending to talk on my cell, and shot a glance over my shoulder. Well….somewhere between the beginning of my test and then, her boyfriend had arrived…..and HE was the one staring at me….with contempt. She then turned, pinching her finger between our two chairs. She yelped….I got up and left…..quickly. STRIKE TWO!
***At this point my buddies were wondering if I was a bit disoriented due to some kind of mild stroke or something. I was forced to explain my scientific endeavor……..to my dismay. NOW it’s some kind of fucking game! They wanted to pick the girls, and send me bouncing all over the fucking bar. Their job was to sit and laugh. WOMEN 3,4, AND 5 had similar results. THEN some girl came in looking quite pissed off. She plopped down at the bar and slammed her cell on its surface. I looked over to my friends, and five GROWN men were unanimously pointing at HER.
WOMAN #6 – I went up and motioned for another beer. Due to my confusion with the bartender earlier, he just ignored me. She looked my way, and I shot her a little smile. Test subject #6 responded with a quaint “What the fuck are you smiling at?” and then threatened to clock me in the head with her Razor phone if I didn’t back off! I slowly backed way, focusing my direction on the booming laughter of five fucksticks in the corner.
SUMMATION: TAG don’t do shit!!!!
F U