I AM BACK!!!!!

Hey there folks!
Yup….I’ve been gone for a while, but I have a good excuse.
ALIENS! That’s right….fucking green, slimy. 3 toed ALIENS abducted me!
I was just minding my own business at the 31 flavors (mint ripple is like sex), and time suddenly stopped. The pimpled faced eighteen year old behind the counter was about to hand me my double scoop- then ZAP!! Before I knew it, I was being levitated into their “Mother Ship” to be experimented on. To be honest, it wasn’t so bad (except for the anal activity with a device they called the TRUTH MAKER….and even that wasn’t so bad.) SO…..they held me like……umm…..60 or so days.
And there you have it.
Really!
Ok…………..maybe that’s a bunch of bullshit.
What REALLY happened is not half as interesting. AND there is absolutely no anal invasion involved.
Here we go………
1. I got let go from my job.
2. I got served my divorce papers.
3. My car shit the bed.
4. I developed ONE HELL of a rash on my ass-crack.
5. I met several very cool women.
6. I fucked up opportunities with several very cool women.
7. I got drunk…….alot.
8. I looked at myself in the mirror every morning…..and said WTF.
9. I took a personality test. Somehow I failed the fucker. Dr. Phil…..you are a stupid fat fuck!
10. I lost touch with reality. Well…..briefly.

BUT, the important part is that I am back………if anyone fucking cares. I would say more, but I would hate to blow my whole wad on my first post back.
More to come………

FU