MORE things that are STUPID

Over the weekend, I was reminded that there are WAY too many things out there that just piss me off. We seem to eat up stupidity on television as if it were “bon-bons,” and we are all the “fat lady” with the ten cats. (the fact that we can all be one fat lady in a sentence is also stupid –I know –bite me.)

I think what takes the cake, especially on a Saturday afternoon, is this:

I would like to meet the numb-nuts who first came out with the ONLY $19.95 offer. A genius idea to be sure, but he was probably someone you hated to see show up at parties.

“Oh shit! It’s the $19.95 guy. I gotta go…..my hemorrhoid just flared up.”

More to the point -how can EVRYTHING (and I mean everything) be only $19.95?

• “Introducing the SLAPPER-DAPPER-DOO!!! It slices, it dices, it gives your loved one a donkey punch every night at ten minutes to twelve!! NOT AWAKE?? NO PROBLEM!! The patented POOPER-POINTER will jab your loved ones behind at a rate of FIFTY POKES per second!! Now that’s performance! Never before could you simultaneously cook stir-fry, and launch headlong into an all night argument!! By the time your mother’s Christmas visit comes into the conversation, DINNERS DONE!! And for a LIMITED TIME, It’s only…..yup…$19.95!!! BUT WAIT!!! THAT’S NOT ALL!!! If you call in the next FIFTEEN MINUTES, we will throw in our TRAVEL SIZE SLAPPER for FREE!!! Perfect for those road trips you never wanted to take!!

I don’t care what the fucking product is, they all seem to go on like this…until your mind is complete mush. If you have bought one of these products, shame on you.

I order you to immediately go to your closet, and vigorously beat your FLOWBEE with a baseball bat.

FU