COCKtail Party

Last night I went to the anniversary party for Texas de Brazil (upscale meat on a stick concept…..very sheek.) It was an invitation thing, so everything was free. As you would suspect, that pulls people out of the woodwork.

It was during this “see and be seen” event that I made many interesting observations.

1. Having your car valet while the check engine light is on -sucks.
2. Having that same valet look at you like a schmuck when you leave -yeah..sucks.
3. If you want to look cool, be sure to wear a very low V-neck shirt. It MUST be super tight -preferably black to accentuate your freshly shaved pecks.
4. I have no pecks –thus no such shirt.
5. 100+ people standing around in a room, with no real objective, looks like cattle. Think Blue Bell commercial with wine.
6. NEVER trust the guy carrying around the orderves trey. If you don’t recognize it –DON’T FUCKING EAT IT!
7. There is a distinct difference between the people who hold a glass of white wine from the top, and those who hold from the base. It has something to do with temperature……or you’re just a prick.
8. I prefer Red wine, and I will hold it any way I choose.
9. No matter what your age, men and women tend to group up. Not everybody, but enough to have two distinctive groups staring at each other.
10. If you offer someone a drink, and they know its free…..does it count?
11. When you are forced outside to smoke, why is there never a hot girl out there smoking too? It will inevitably be some guy named BOB –who wants to talk about this little known book entitled The Perfect Storm. Really? Apparently they made a movie about it with George Clooney. BOB –you’re a retard.
12. When somebody has nothing else to do, they will usually grab their cell phone. Apparently, pretending your texting is better than looking off into space. Considering I never text –I stare at the wall.
13. When starting a conversation with the opposite sex, never ever begin with “You gunna’ eat that?” Saw it, heard it, felt sorry for the guy.
14. Walking up to someone, pointing at them, and faking knowing them by saying something like “Brenda, right?” actually works. Unless her name really is Brenda, then you are in a whole new situation.
15. I’m not the best cocktail party person. Maybe it’s because the words “cock” and “tail” are involved…..and I went home alone. Probably for the best.

That’s it!

FU