I Forgot

It’s a bit nippley outside today…..and I fucking forgot my jacket somewhere this weekend. NICE! As I shivered my ass off this morning, I began to think about all the things I have forgot somewhere at the MOST inconvenient of times.

-Forgot my airplane tickets at home before a flight to Portland. I hurried back to my car, and peeled out for the apartment!!! Not five seconds later, my roommate ran into the airport with my fucking tickets! (told that ass he needed a cell phone)
-Forgot my fake ID before a concert in Downtown Dallas when I was 17. Was forced to stand outside for a few hours.
-Forgot my wallet at home before a blind date. She paid for everything, AND I had to watch her have a beer while I drank a Diet Coke. We never spoke again.
-Forgot the “funny money” that was given to me to use at a local strip club (the ONLY reason I agreed to go). Spent 150 bucks that night, and got blue-balls.
-Forgot my work computer at home before a big presentation. I was forced to use examples off my company’s website…..and a fucking dry-erase board. Didn’t get that sale.
-Forgot my wallet at a bar (wait for it…….) and got it back the next day- minus all the cash and credit cards. BUT- someone DID stuff a condom in it………* I have no idea why.
-Forgot my cell phone (yup…at a bar) and waited too long to suspend service because I stupidly thought I would find it. Someone made 200 bucks in international calls in less than 24 hours! Who the FUCK lives in central Venezuela anyway?

…..there’s more I forgot….but I have forgot. So…forget it!
F U
p.s.- NEVER forget your brain, and spill coffee on someone’s couch like a choad. Not funny or anything….but I’m a spiller.